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Sunday, May 16, 2010

Last blog post: Dec 31, 2009
Current Date: May 15, 2010

I've neglected this little space of mine for around 5 months or so. I guess everyone had forgotten I used to jot down my happenings here. So if you happen to read it, bear with my grumbles, struggles, worries and whats not. This is the only space i could pen down my thoughts.

My emotions ran wild for the past few weeks. I never knew life in SIM would be this difficult. At a point, i nearly break down and am on the verge of giving up. I've heard people saying life in university wouldn't be easy. I chose to ignore their advice and go my way - playing happily like there's no tomorrow. Faced competitions from friends, i don't know? I thought we used to have a good friendship? Now i understand that friendship isn't about who you knew the longest, its about who stayed by you when you need their guidance. But I'm glad that are still lots of good friends around.

And now the reality hit me. I know i shouldn't regret, because at one point I wanted it. Exams were bad which i knew for sure, feeling stressed up with the last minute muggings, feeling depressed after exams when everyone were happy. I feel like i just hit the rock bottom. I began missing days in CVSS and SP, when everything and everyone was so carefree. Putting exams aside, everyone were enjoying and smiling on the way to school knowing for sure it would be a good day ahead. Oh well, that can only be safe-lock my heart now. Memories are well kept.

I'm sure everyone around me knew that my emotions were fluctuating. Dad says, I should never give up, because he knew that it wasn't my best, and even I have to re-module for all units, I should go for it. We shouldn't gave up just because we couldn't reach the target, otherwise we wont be successful in life. And that he would wish for me to continue my studies because in this society, its practical to have a degree. I knew dad wants the best in me. I listened, I teared, I regret, I felt guilty. How motivating.

For now, i have sort of straightened out my thoughts. I should jolly well enjoy the four months of holidays first, before I'm back to the reality-mugging. Having supportive friends and encouraging family, i felt slightly motivated. Like what Leeling said, I will be stronger after what had happened and learn from failures. I have reached the lowest point, the only way is upwards. I believe things will get better in time to come.

Okay, if you have read till this point, thank you for reading my grumbles. Take care till i blog again.

-zhihui
The GIRL

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